Divorce is one of the toughest events you will experience in your life and it can take years to find yourself again without proper healing. It isnt something we plan when we get married, but sometimes it is the reality of how things turn out. A surprising 86% of people contemplate divorce for over a year before they actually decide to pull the trigger. Divorce is actually the outcome for about 41% of first marriages.
It somewhat resembles splitting up a family business yet more emotionally charged, especially if children are involved. Your expectation of what you thought and hoped for is no longer there or relevant.
As you start to contemplate what life will look like after divorce it is important to stay in the present moment and not future-trip. It is natural to start worrying about all the things you will need to figure out along the way. Where do I find an attorney, what questions do I ask them? What are we going to do about the house, what about the kids, or what will our family and friends think? Where do I even start?
The Gifford Group wants to be your thinking partner throughout this stressful process. We have dedicated our real estate careers to help couples embarking on this emotional roller coaster make informed decisions today, tomorrow, and for their future. We offer a free divorce resource at www.mydivorcerealestate.com that can help answer some of those first initial questions. We can assist in removing the fear by helping you to learn the facts!
What Did We Learn After Our Divorce?
There are so many things we learned about ourselves during this process and we hope to pass them on to others and shorten the learning curve.
Gratitude and Acceptance
There are many things we can be thankful for when we take the time to look around. By taking stock of your current situation you will find that you are able to do more than you ever thought you could. Create a Victory List to remember your past successes and leave some blank lines for the new ones. Choose those accomplishments that made you feel the most confident and satisfied. Acceptance of who you are, where you are, and what is happening in your life.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. - Charles Swindoll
Self-Image/Awareness
No one on the face of the earth can make you feel inferior without your permission. As the old saying goes birds of a feather, flock together! As science has shown, you will adopt many of the thoughts, mannerisms, and characteristics of those around you. This is true whether those around you are good or bad. Only you can choose who is around you.
You cannot consistently perform in a manner that is inconsistent with the way you see yourself: - Zig Ziglar
Believe In Yourself
Although you may feel like youre a failure because of divorce, you are not a failure. You must remember this one event does not define you as a person and in fact, can make you better if you choose.
“Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or a greater benefit.” - Napoleon Hill
Dont Give Up
Learn from your failures. All of us have done things we are not proud of or things we could have done better. However, we only fail when we give up. Giving up is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
You dont drown by falling into the water, you drown by staying there. - Cavett Robert.
Communication Is Key
Why you might be saying to yourself well, Duh! We, humans, have very few ways to communicate our thoughts and feelings to other people without our words. Others wont know what we are feeling unless we tell them. Our feelings have to be expressed in words, which means we have to be willing to be vulnerable. This can be frightening as we are afraid we wont be heard, or the other person wont care or love us. A fracture in communication can lead to a rupture in communication which can paralyze two people who each need to be heard.
Being a good listener is a learned skill and is called active listening. Active listening is a conscious decision made to listen to and understand the messages of the speaker. It is important that the active listener is also seen to be listening.
The best way to practice being a good listener is to repeat back what you heard and then ask if that was correct or not. It may take a few times to get it right, but both parties will feel understood when you do.
Knowing Your Boundaries
Knowing what you can tolerate is more important than knowing what you cant. Why do we say this? As we go through life we learn what we dont like, I like to call these things Non-Negotiables, things you will not compromise on. They are based on your values and principles and define not only what you will and will not accept from others, but also what you will and will not accept from yourself. This is really what matters most, your promises to yourself, to your family, and to your team. Having set principles to guide you will make you feel empowered and in control.
Once you know which areas you wont compromise on you can learn to try new things in the areas of life you are willing to compromise. This allows us to grow freely in these new areas. Our world is full of possibilities, from discovering new places, to tasting new foods, to rediscovering ourselves!
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” - Brene Brown
Opening Doors to New Beginnings
We are passionate about helping others through the life-changing transitions of real estate transactions. When working with clients experiencing divorce, they advise their clients with empathy and personal understanding of the strain and confusion divorce creates. They work hand-in-hand with their clients to help ease stressful life transitions while assisting them with all unknowns to preserve the homeownership eligibility and credit of both spouses.
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